The other day my sister and I went on an adventure, we ended up by the water [on purpose] and she started splashing, I was flinching and running and being a total downer. Then I realized how old I'd become on the inside. It seems the horrors of the first year of marriage, coupled with the stresses of school and work... has taken its toll on my usually optimistic self. I took the first step that day and splashed back, and laughed and tried to regain some of who i used to be. its a small step but i think i'm getting somewhere. today I made peanut butter cookie bars... or i tried to,and at that moment i could at this moment i could have decided to either be upset and angry about how nothing in life was working out... but instead, i just laughed at how silly it is to get upset over a stupid bad recipe. i got most of it salvaged anyway.
I look back at where i was last year, even as early as march this year. and how stressed out I had been. it really took its toll on me. I feel older, less funny, less happy. even though things are 100000000000000x times better all around for me. I still can't shake the discontentment stirring in my heart.
Its my goal to enjoy life again.
I'm getting there, slow and steady.
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