Tsa

today I go in for an interview with TSA so hopefully I get it.

I need a bandaid

My emotions are all out of whack.
I cry or feel like crying all the time, Even when things aren't bad.
I teared at a wedding the other day which never happens, I nearly cried at church today.
and i wasn't even really listening to the message.
I miss Easthill so much.
I miss all the people there and volunteering there.
I really miss my family.
I also miss my husband.
Everyday is a downward spirial, everyday he gets down more and more.
I have to pay rent soon, and this unemployment thing is not working.
Today I really realized how out of sorts i am.
I am totally on my own, and I feel like a scared kid.
I have to be the adult, I have to work, I have to do the chores,
I have to man up and deal with my own feelings without breaking.
My husband is so lost lately, He cant make decisions,
He can't decide what to do for work, so he doesn't look for work.
I miss the old him, where he was determained to keep our relationship strong.
I miss laughing with him and going on adventures with him,
I miss all of the good times that have just been replaced with hardship and heartache.
Everyday he visits his parents, and when he isn't there, he calls them multiple times a day, and texts his sister every waking moment.
He's so miserable here, and I can't do anything!
He wants to be the leader in  our relationship, but I can't follow a lost puppy.
I can't go to his parents house 3, 4, 5 times a week.
I can't keep my feelings to myself, but if i let them out I get lectured or
get told im wrong, or just an excuse.
I'm tired of life being so hard.
I can't even talk about not wanting to go to his parents without some kind of negative reproach.
I'm not keeping him from them, I just don't wanna be there.
I am at my wits end. I can't keep nagging him to get a job, or telling him that i need him around here and I feel like I'm always second in his life.
I just keep drowning in a sea of disappointment.